Fucking stressful *____*

Recently, I can really feel the stress…. I never have stress feeling that much for very long time probably, since I left college or since i came to London. Like all deadlines in the company were not that dead… Everything was quite easy for me to finish. Um…. before I’ve got the job in Pixi… It has been a bit stress on job hunting but even I couldn’t find a job that time it wasn’t that bad... I could still work on some stupid job like waiter or something... But me, today, even refused the job of £80/day (which is low in London) from Pixi for few days. Or maybe when people grown up a bit… we have a bit more to think of… I wouldn’t say I missed the feeling but I think I should have more stress. Otherwise, when the real panic comes, I may kill myself…. Haha… of cause I won’t…. but maybe, you never know… um…. I do believe stress would push me a lot.

Again, everyone, I really want to go back to HK to work and see you guys… but things just happened like this… and I can’t just leave without trying my best. Um, actually same old problems… leaving, staying, money matter, jobs + the show reel + I really want to start my own animation after the show reel done + the drawings + this time I really have a really dead DEADLINE on these things.. T___T. Or I will lose everything here (Actually I have nothing to lose here except you, u know? But it’s so heavy, so much).

Maybe also, I don’t want to put more stress on you. It seems that if I bring out the things, no one can help well you can’t anyway. When I see you stressful like this, how can I add some more on? um…. Still have 3 weeks…. Can I get it or not?? Not too far to know (not close enough though). (I think you won’t see it until you really finish the project haha…. and you will not be as stress as now ^_^… and you will be able to comfort me a bit…. Such a good calculations! :D)

Thanks for listen to me Tracy… I really felt alone and didn't know who to talk to.... wanted to cry if it wasn’t you to talk to me ^_^. Even you were at work, you still keep me talking…. Yea…. I do need to bullshit a bit last night…. Love you~~ always…~~~

After talked to Tracy, reminded myself it’s not the first time that I live with someone that I can’t be working at night. haha yup… again, I can’t work at night… I hate this feeling… I can’t say anything though; I am not in my own place. (I didn’t say a word last time even i was in my own place indeed) I think I have to be considerate. (Not living in own space is one of the most stressful things in life!) Well… sleeping is basically nothing to me….. So I really can’t imagine how important it is to others… and since I can’t imagine, it is even much scary for me to disturb other people sleep…. Hell…. I don’t want to sleep… it is such a waste of time… um…. I know I know… it probably as worse as I have lost my glasses. I can see (um… feel) how important it is. Um... ok, sleep.... My first pirority is still considering... If I have done something inconsider to you guys... pls forgive me la... sometime people are selfish or careless... haha... I tried my best ga la...

You know when people are in bad mood, all the poor things would come back to your head…It was a fucking bad feeling last time after I talked to Daat daat…. Supposed it was a joke, I guess… But it was just so hurt… Hey come on… I am not such a slut…. I can’t see how good it is to be with someone who you do not entirely love neither… I do love… at least I define it as love although it probably different from yours. And it is important to me… I mean Stef is important to me…. I felt totally no respect in that conversation…. T___T It is so uncool to judge someone’s love life in this way…. -_- especially a good friend like you….

Um… I should celebrate a bit actually. I am really learning things from Stephane!!! And it will be more if I stay for longer I am sure… ^_^... love u~~